~ Last night the Marquee Club played host to Coast Weekly‘s “Best Of Halifax” awards show. I was doing sound for the Mellotones downstairs in Hell.

Victor was downstairs after the awards, having a beer and hanging out with the band.

“Where did the awards go?” said Victor. “Best restaurant, best martini… where’d they go?”

The Marquee only got one of the Coast awards this year–in a new category called “Best Place To Be A Badass.”

“Badass, what does that mean,” mused Victor. He pretended to shove Mike, the Mellotones bassist. “Hey! Are you getting out of line?”

“Aw Victor, I can’t fight you, you own the bar,” said Mike.

“Hey! Are you getting out of line? That’s how fights start,” said Victor. He turned around and gave me a little shove. “Hey! Are you getting out of line?”

I made like I was going to call over a bouncer. “Aw Victor, I can’t get you thrown out, you own the bar,” I said.

After the band started, Victor came up to me at the sound console and said, “That’s the worst lighting I’ve ever seen. Can’t you do anything about that? Turn up some of that red light and fill out the back a little bit.”

So after the band finished a song, I went and hopped up onstage. I fiddled with the lighting board to try to give some life to the stage lighting.

When I returned to the console Victor said, “It still doesn’t look so good.”

“The red light is turned up all the way,” I said. “I can’t turn up the master any more, or the whole thing starts to flicker and cut out.”

“Is the board bad?” said Victor.

“Yeah, the board’s pretty bad.”

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll buy a new one.” And that’s why Victor should be mayor.

Then he shook my hand and said goodnight, and he went to “cheers” me and bonked his beer bottle against one of my front teeth.

~ There weren’t all that many people there, but the guys were having fun and the vibe was good. The band played so freakin’ loud that I had nothing in the PA except kick drum and vocals.

There’s not much I can do when the band is super loud. I can’t really craft a smooth sounding mix if none of the faders are up to begin with. So I just put in my earplugs and sat back and listened.

A short, blonde, curly-haired woman in a black backless top wandered past and said, “You look like you’re having the time of your life.”

“Worse ways to make a living,” I said.

She came over to speak directly into my ear. “You look like you need to go purchase yourself some kind of stimulant,” she said.

I believe I may have frowned at her.

As she walked away, she looked back at me. She mouthed the word over her shoulder: “Stim-u-lant.”

~ I was awakened at stupid o’clock this morning by the doorbell ringing. Over and over. BING BONG. BIIIING BONNNNG. BINGBONG.

“Daz rat that mump gramble blat tad,” I muttered as I stumbled down the stairs in a pair of long johns.

I unlocked the back door and opened it. My roommate Geoffrey was standing there in his bathrobe, coffee mug in hand, listening to a walkman.

“The cat locked me out,” he said. “It’s all Vickers’s fault.”

“Jeeeezus, Geoffrey,” I said. I tried to push the door closed on him but he elbowed his way in.

“Pleaze! I am zorry!” said Geoffrey in his François Tuti voice. “I am zo zo zo zorry!”

Geoffrey is a comedian and he will be hosting the Burlesque show again in his François character. The show will take place at the Vimy Legion on November 14 & 15. Rumour has it, the finale will feature 28 pairs of naked dancing boobies. I’ll buy that for a dollar!

~ Tonight the band didn’t bother showing up for soundcheck. I rang out the monitors and then basically sat around waiting for 45 minutes. I was hungry and bored.

I went upstairs to where 54-40 were checking. BOOOOMFF. Every time the drummer hit the kick drum, it sounded like an avalanche had landed on the roof of the building.

The Marquee stage resonates at 50 hertz. For the layperson, this is a very low frequency. You probably feel it more than you hear it. 54-40’s sound guy was actually boosting 50Hz, which I’ve never seen anyone do in that room before.

BOOOOOMF.

54-40 singer guy said, “No trouble hearing the kick drum on stage, that’s for sure.”

The bass player also commented to the effect that it sounded a little boomy onstage. “Well, you’re standing right behind the bass bin,” said the sound tech.

“Oh yeah,” said the bassist. He looked around and grinned. “It’ll sound so much better when there are people in here.”

That’s a little audio humour for you, folks.

~ I’ll be back.