The Big Iron has six speeds available, where one is “drag race with a snail” and six is “hold onto your shit.”

I was roaring up a dirt road in sixth when I got all excited and decided I would try to jump off The Big Iron. However, The Big Iron has a switch built into the seat so that whenever you stand up, The Big Iron shuts off automatically.

“That’s to make sure you don’t slice your leg off, clown-pants,” says The Big Iron.

So in order to play the jump-off-Big-Iron game, what you need is to find a friendly duck to sit in the seat with you and hold down the fort, so to speak. Just be careful, because if you turn your back on the duck for so much as a second he’ll be all over your Gordon’s.

I was very very sloppy [for some reason] when I was pouring gasoline into the tank so remember: no smoking while riding The Big Iron!