A/V is performing tonight at The Capital on Queen Street in Fredericton, along with The Trick.

Have I told you people how huge this show is going to be. Patrick has the looks. I’ve got the brains. We’re going to make lots of money.

That’s assuming all my gear doesn’t blow up. I have a bad voice chip on my Juno-106 synthesizer. Also, the adapter for my drum machine died last night. I sure as hell hope I can track one down in Fredericton before soundcheck.

Anyway, no matter what happens at the show tonight, I’m sure I’ll be able to deal with it. That’s because I have my lucky bracelet. I had it specially made. It has the letters “WWBD” on it.

It stands for “What Would Bill Do.”

When things aren’t going well for me, I take a moment to ask myself, “What would Bill Paxton do?” And the answer is: chances are, he would completely freak out and lose his shit.

I think I’m a much calmer person now, because I know I am guided by the inspiration of Bill’s example. It has given me a whole new spiritual perspective.

~ Last night I decided to have a bath. After I ran a bunch of water I stuck my toe in the bathtub and realized that all the water had run cold.

I said, “Well that’s great, that’s just fuckin’ great man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We’re in some real pretty shit now man… What do you mean ‘THEY’ cut the power? How could they cut the power, man? They’re animals!”

Then I climbed into the tub and sat there for a while and ate a can of beans.

~ I met this woman at The Cellar in Fredericton. We went back to her place. The two of us were just sitting on the edge of her bed talking.

Then all of a sudden she opened her mouth super-wide, she opened it wider than I have ever seen any human open their mouth. And this whole other head popped out of her mouth, and it opened its mouth, and it had all these shiny pointy teeth. And then the little head started talking to me about a bunch of blah blah blah.

So I said “What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna DO? Oh shit man…That’s it man, game over man, GAME OVER.” And I put my pants back on and left.

~ I was in the lineup at the grocery store.

I had a pound of bacon and a can of creamed corn. The woman in front of me had a huge mountain of groceries in her cart, including about 12 bottles of Diet Sprite.

She smiled at me and said, “You only have a couple things, would you like to go ahead of me?”

So I looked at her and said “Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! Let’s go, yeah, come on! Come on! Come and get it you bastards! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Fuck you!!”

5 thoughts on “W.W.B.D.

  1. Philip: We have known each other for years, and only now, suddenly, do I see clearly our true inner spiritual oneness.


  2. I prefer “Near Dark” Bill… Now there was a guy with his shit together…

    “Finger-Lickin’ Good!!!”

    …then he got blowed up good.

  3. Ah, dear old Bill. He was also in a movie called “The Last Supper” (1995) – nothing to do with Jesus. I love that movie. People having other people over for… dinner. (It’s actually funny and murderous.) His part was not very large, but he was great, as usual.

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