My question for you is: if you could knit a sweater for Rusty the narcoleptic dog, what would it look like?

You remember Rusty the narcoleptic dog, don’t you? Run run run, flumpf. Google it or something, I’d find the link for you but I’m on dialup and it would take me 45 minutes.

Anyway, sharpen up your knitting needles and think that one over.

I was looking through my archives and I realized that the most boring posts are the ones where I talk about music. So, sorry. I have two shows in Halifax this weekend.

Friday April 28: Gus’s Pub w/HotShotRobot, The Stance, Oh Beautiful! Majestic Eagle!. 10pm-ish. $5

We are renting a subwoofer for this show in the hopes of exposing architectural defects in the pub’s walls and ceiling. I was thinking it would be cool to have people kissing through the vibrating glass walls of the VLT room. You can just try out what it might be like to kiss various people and open your eyes and see what you think of it. It doesn’t mean anything since there’s a wall between you so there’s no pressure. Boys can kiss boys and it won’t even mean you are gay. Maybe you’ll learn something.

Saturday April 29: One World Cafe w/We’ve Gone Feral, Juan Love. Early show. 7pm? $cheap

I’ll be opening this show, performing as 9Volt Sound System. That’s instrumental electronic music with a bunch of drum machines all wired together and noodly stuff over top. You can dance to it if you want to but it’s meant to be the kind of music where you’re just hanging out talking to your friends and not even really aware of the music until it stops and then you look around and go, “Aww, what happened to the tunes?”

Meanwhile I’ve been sending coded subliminal messages straight to the back of your brain for the past 45 minutes and suddenly you’re super horny and you have no idea why. Here are some beats I jammed in my bedroom the other night:

http://destroyhotaction.com/9volt/angerbattery.mp3

I got the A/V CD release coming up. Saturday May 20 at the Attic in Halifax and then on the 21st at Elwood’s in Saint John, NB. Both shows with The Trick and Gary Flanagan.

The CD is done, I’m just waiting to get a final master so I can ship it off to be manufactured. For the first time I’m going to get someone else to make the whole thing. Just once I’d like to have a normal CD. No spraypaint stencils, no last-minute CD burning, no running to Business Depot to photocopy covers and cutting them out during the opening bands. I just want to be a normal musician with a normal CD with shrinkwrap on it. Shrinkwrap! Well, I’ll try it and see how I feel about it. I just want to try being a normal dog for once and not keel over every time I’m chasing a squirrel across the lawn.

I’m also releasing a 9Volt CD in May. And a Swordfight DVD of all my weird little art-movies.

I mixed the A/V disc at home on my iBook using GarageBand, and if anyone would be interested in getting their paws on the actual GarageBand sessions to muck around with, I think I’ll release those as well as a separate disc of their own. So you can do remixes and mashups and solo the vocal channel and hear all my mistakes.

Today’s the deadline for VideoFACT applications. I’m pussing out and not applying. I had some cool ideas for a visual treatment but got bogged down in the whole budget section. There’s too much that I don’t know about. Maybe I’m just not ready. I suck at applying for stuff, I always feel like I’m a fraud and I’m not really eligible. Why do I even need a grant? I’ll probably just shoot the whole thing myself on mini-DV and stick it on the web for free.

Sometimes I watch movies on DVD and then I watch the special features with the making of the movie. Making a movie looks like fun, but jeez isn’t there any way to do it without having 25 people all standing around on the set watching? Who are all you people? I want to make movies where the actors are over there and the camera person is over here and that’s that. All the rest of it is just a lot of hard work to make a lie seem believable. And lies are cheesy, I mean half the time “the making of” is more entertaining than the stupid film itself.

In other news I have a MySpace for A/V now.

myspace.com/avhotaction if you want to check out a couple tracks from the new CD. I will probably just delete my old profile or allow it to fall into chaos and neglect, so there you go, MySpace people.

I am looking for someone to go on tour with this summer so I don’t have to burn gas driving my lonesome self around. It’s more fun to travel with people anyway, makes the drives go faster. If you’re feeling the A/V, I do not take up much room in a van, my demands are few, I can drive and as an added bonus I can do your live sound so you don’t have to trust the dude at the venue with the pony-tail.

Or maybe I’ll persuade my solo new-wave brethren to quit their jobs and hit the road in my ’93 Tempo on the cross-country half-naked make-out tour from sea to sea to sea.