Let’s see how I made out last month with living the Total Montreal Experience.

Total entertainment budget:
= $0.00
Total entertainment expenditures:
= $7.00

These expenditures break down as follows.
–Three dollars on a pay-what-you-can show at a punk house over across the canal. I had to pay them something; these are my people. The wall was covered in gig posters… I think I saw a Risky Business flyer up there somewhere. They hauled all the furniture out of the front room and set up the bands. It was packed. I didn’t know anyone there, of course. The PA speaker had a label on it that read “Party Machine”:

A heavy French band called Kraken performed and I closed my eyes and let myself get swept away in the rumble. They had a super deep and powerful sound, and yet somehow managed to work some handclaps into their songs.

–I spent three dollars to get into a strip club in St-Henri. The strip club was right next door to this free Time’s Up night of weird DJs. I’d seen it billed as “Weird Punk Night” and I’m not sure what that had led me to expect, maybe robot costumes and lots of green lipstick, but actually the clientele just looked like normal music show people and I believe one of the DJs played “Raining Blood” by Slayer.

A few of us had to wander over to check out this strip club and it was about par for a strip joint with a three-dollar cover. One of the strippers was this fantastic android that sparked a whole discussion about nipple implants. I mean, certainly she’d had breast implants and we’re all familiar with those, but could those bizarrely protruding nipples possibly be real? I was reluctant to get too close to the stage for fear of losing an eye.

I was assured that nipple implants are certainly a fact of modern science but nonetheless found it strange that she had two of them on each breast.

–One dollar went to the mandatory coatcheck at Club Lambi on the night of the lunar eclipse when I went to see Think About Life (roommate’s band, guest list) and documented that strange night with a video of a bunch of famous Canadian indie-rockers doing the Om Nom Nom Nom.

Guest lists were a big help in my quest for the Total Montreal Experience. I did get to see a decent number of shows in February, thanks to: guest lists; free shows; playing on the bill; living in the place where the show is happening; special events; and, in one instance, sneaking in (what’s the point in paying your punk rock dues if you don’t get some basic punk rock skills out of it?).

Total restaurant budget: $0.00
Total amount spent on eating out: $0.00

–No Patati Patata for Philip. No breakfasts at Cafeteria. No sushi, no shish-taouk, not even poutine. I have barely laid eyes on a Montreal bagel.

On St. Laurent I stared for a long time through the window at this sizzling grill, drooling all over the sidewalk outside a restaurant whose name probably translates into English as “Carnivore Heaven.”

–A lady I know was kind enough to buy me a smoked meat sandwich. To this day the memory of that taste lingers on my tongue in sensual repose.

In conclusion: so far, I have partially enjoyed the Total Montreal Experience.

~ http://av.evilmp3.com –download A/V cd for free