Monthly Archives: December 2007

winter solstice 2007

I came home this afternoon and didn’t so much build a fire, as threw a fire into the stove. Today is the day when everything turns around. You’ve got to believe me. I know you’ve been down so many times and heard this innumerable times before. But today is different. It’s an astronomical fact, and it applies to you, just as surely as it applies to that chunk of rock you’re standing on. Here is a video for you and a song for the solstice.

country baby

Hi there, my name is Philip and I live in Gaspereau Forks, New Brunswick alone in a seven-bedroom farmhouse in the middle of the woods with no phone or Internet. But guess what, about a ten-minute drive up the highway I found this place where I can use the Internet by, how do you say, stealing it.

So am I going to start writing on a blog again? Sitting here in my car by the side of the road? Dude. It’s fucking winter. Plus I’m thinking about some guy coming out of his house with a shotgun and yelling at me to get off his wireless. People around here are all nuts.

I just drove into the village of Chipman to get a few groceries. The guy sweeping the floor said, “Hey, wanna buy a baby?”

There was a baby lying on the conveyor belt beside the cash register. It had a cute little blue snowsuit on. I thought it was dead at first, all stretched out on this conveyor belt.

But I figured the girl on the cash probably wouldn’t be cooing over a dead baby, and so on closer examination, the kid in fact was only sleeping.

I said, “Hey, are those things priced by the pound?”

The baby woke up and looked around and made a “that’s not funny” face.

I was hoping they would turn on the conveyor belt and run the baby right over the scanner. Beep! Four-ninety-nine.

So anyway ladies, if you really want a baby of your own, but you can’t have one because you are inconceivable, by which I mean you are impregnable, possibly because you are inscrutable… there are babies on sale right now, at the Chipman general store.

I think I might stock up for the winter. Mmm, babies.