Just thought I’d share a couple recipes with you, to keep you warm on these cold winter nights.

~ Uncle Philly’s Real Chicken Soup!

1. Cook a chicken breast.

2. Cook some chicken-flavoured Mr. Noodles.

3. Cut up the chicken and put it in the noodles.

4. Enjoy!

 

~ Uncle Philly’s Steak And Noodle Surprise!

1. Cook a steak.

2. Cook some beef-flavoured Mr. Noodles. Pour out the broth.

3. Put the noodles on top of the steak.

4. Enjoy!

I’m sitting in the restaurant at the Salisbury Big Stop. My car’s out in the parking lot with a seized water pump. I’m going to be sitting here until the garage opens at 8am Saturday morning.

It is now 10:30pm Friday night.

So how was your Xmas? Did you get anything good? I got viral gastroenteritis. I had a pretty shitty week. You might say. 

They should call it “gastro-exit-itis.” On Friday I had to DJ a party… my stomach said “It’s not a good idea to leave the house.” I went out anyway and rocked that party. On Saturday I had an A/V show. My stomach said “You really should stay home.” I went out anyway. I had to run to the can six times during the band before me. Then I got up and rocked the whole house.

On Sunday I was invited to a birthday party. My stomach said, “You know, it’s REALLY REALLY not a good idea to leave the house.” And it was right!

My brother got me a Laserhawk BB Air Rifle. It’s pretty awesome. The first thing I did when I got home was shoot out all the light bulbs in the house. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with a BB gun? Then I took out an upstairs window. Guess I got a little carried away. This window had frost on the inside… how much good is it at being a window? It’s not like it’s keeping the cold out much, with frost all over the INSIDE of the window. So I aimed and fired. I took out a couple upstairs windows actually. I hardly ever go upstairs in the winter, who cares.

Then I went outside in search of moving targets. The scope on this thing is so cool. I used to think shooting was some kind of crazy esoteric skill. But you can look through the scope at something, and pull the trigger and hit it. Just like that! Philip Clark, Scout Sniper. 

A squirrel was giving me a dirty look from across the driveway. So I sighted him up and blasted him. He was quick but my bullet is quicker, or BB or whatever. I shot him right in the mouth and knocked one of his teeth out. Next time I see that squirrel he’ll be hissing at me through a mouthful of gold teeth.

I got bored with squirrels so I took a drive up the Fire Road and hung out at the overpass over the Trans Canada. I shot at some trucks, but only at the roofs of the trucks. Safety first! Except when an RCMP car came tooling up the highway. Couldn’t resist. I shot him right in the windshield. The car went off the road but I wasn’t sticking around to see what happened. I got the hell out of there.

Did I mention my brother also got me a ski mask for Xmas? Great gift combination. I did pretty good for presents this year.

I suppose you think it’s funny, a grown man in a ski mask, running around shooting at shit with an air rifle. Yeah? OK then. We’ll see who’s laughing when there’s red mist floating out the back of your dome-piece.

I haven’t been able to update for two months for reasons I’m not even going to go into. The winter solstice is basically new year’s eve for me and I welcome 2009 with open arms.

Right now I’m sitting in my kitchen in Gaspereau Forks, New Brunswick, Canada. Vickers the cat is curled up snoozing in the rocking chair; a nest of hot coals simmers in the wood stove. We’re due for 30cm of snow tonight. I’m prepared for the worst, I’m prepared to be completely snowed in, I’m prepared to be stranded in this old country house with no power or running water in which case I’ll still be able to partake of dialup Internet on my iBook with its shattered monitor screen so drop by and say hello because I’ll be smirking on the webcam until all the batteries on everything run out at once.

live webcam:

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Punk rock DJ night in Hell’s Kitchen, Halifax Pop Explosion 2008.

music - Crass “Do They Owe Us A Living?”

If perfection exists at all,

the intersection of art and mathematics.

“You’re not supposed to be in here, old man.”
“What did you just say to me?”
“I said you’re not supposed to be in here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“You have no idea who I am, do you?”
“No, old man. No idea.”
“Did you see that sign on the door… the one that says ‘Higgs Boson Particle Generator’?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m fuckin’ Higgs.”
“Whoa… OK, sorry sir. I didn’t know.”
“Get back to work, soldier.”
“Yes sir.”

“I see men as trees, walking.”
-Mark 8:24

Where do ghosts go in the daytime? Up the path. Through the woods to the sunlit clearing, strewn with abandoned appliances, rusted car parts, burnt-out bonfires.

Eavesdrop on the birds in a place of perfect camouflage. They fly right past my head. I have yet to decipher their language. But there’s no hurry.

In late afternoon the wind picks up. The orange glow of the sun slides along the side of the strip-mine mountain.

Over across the river the bushes part, a secret path, silent creatures. The forest animals look in my direction but cannot see anything.

Deer-shapes frozen in wood.

OK, two things. First of all, go check out my homies at the newly-relaunched Wreck And Salvage, or get a dog up in ya. Second of all: new Jason Bourne movie, coming in 2010.

The Jason Bourne trilogy is like my Star Wars. I burn these movies onto DVDs and leave the labels blank and just leave the discs lying in different places around the house, so that if I need to burn something I’ll pop a DVD into my iBook thinking it’s blank and poof, the movie is set to start playing automatically from wherever it left off and I’m immediately sucked back into this whole world of intrigue and excitement.

I have a Glock stashed under the cushions of my love seat and a Sig Sauer 9mm hidden in the freezer along with several passports and a fortune in foreign currency.

The prospect of a new movie has me pretty stoked. I wonder what it will be about. In Bourne Ultimatum it was hinted that Jason and Nicky might have had some kind of romantic past. How many of you really want to see Matt Damon getting it on with Julia Stiles? That’s why I was excited to read that the new one might be set in the period immediately following The Bourne Identity. That would mean the return of Franka Potente as Marie in a true sequel to the greatest love story ever told: The Bourne Identity.

Franka, one day you will be my beautiful bride and we will live together in perpetual bliss and I will put many many babies inside you.

The character of Marie was Canadian in the original Bourne novels. I think the fourth Bourne movie should take place in Montreal so Jason can run around in the Underground City and have a shootout in the lipstick forest.

I read somewhere that the new movie might be called “The Bourne Legacy.” The gang over on the Giraffecycle forum have a few more suggestions.

William Carlos Williams was a small dog. He was a cute little terrier who had a special typewriter that was equipped with extra-large keys so that he could type out poems using all four paws.

–
As the cat
Climbed over
The top of

The jamcloset
First the right
Forefoot

Carefully
then the hind
Stepped down

Into the pit of
The empty
Flowerpot
–

The original version of this poem went on for several pages of wrangling before it finally concluded with William Carlos Williams firing the helpless cat straight into the sun using a giant extra-terrestrial slingshot. Williams however was a master of economy and always attempted to strip a poem down to its barest minimum, to the pure essence of an image, which would then shine forth with the light of universal radiance.

“My appetite comes to me while eating.”
- Montaigne