I measure out the alcohol when I make a mixed drink. But it’s a matter of relative measurement, as opposed to absolute. You feel me? I like a correct ratio.

Thanks to my old buddy Google [a href=http???;; google .com slash drunken hyperlink like you don’t know where the fuck google is] I just learned that there are 30 millilitres in an ounce. Honestly, I thought there were more… but what this means is, I have been serving myself sextuple White Russians all this time.

So I had this problem, I poured in the vodka and Kahlua… added some ice… And, as previously stated, I had this problem: there wasn’t much room in the glass for the milk. Maybe I should make weaker White Russians and just have more of them. Sometimes more is good. But no, there’s something I like about a sextuple White Russian. There’s something I like about the word “sextuple.” But at the time, I didn’t even know they were sextuples. I just thought of them as normal White Russians, with nothing kinky about them.

Anyway… I had this White Russian that was practically a Black Russian for the few drops of milk I’d managed to fit in, maybe it was sort of a Grey Russian, there’s no such thing, when it occurred to me that the glass I was mixing in was too small, and my drink could benefit from being housed in a slightly larger receptacle. Since I am a bachelor living alone, you will surely forgive my meagre choice of glassware, I have two glasses, mugs actually, and one fork and one spoon and one knife, and having every dish I own dirty in the sink no longer intimidates me like in the old days. But I do own a nice cereal bowl. And a light bulb went on over my head, and the idea was hatched for Uncle Philly’s latest recipe: White Russian Frosted Flakes.

Listen to me and I will tell you what to do.

First make a White Russian. A sextuple. A quadruple or quintuple is acceptable I suppose.

Get a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

Pour the White Russian over the Frosted Flakes.

Enjoy this delicious new taste sensation… at breakfast-time! Or anytime.

I’ve just finished a serving. I have tears in my eyes as I type this. Because deep down inside, I know for a fact that I do not deserve to enjoy anything this much.

There are fireworks going off over Sinjeju right now.