So I got compared to Hitler on my blog yesterday. It’s caused a bit of excitement around the house.
I called up my Mom and told her. She was quite proud of me; as you might expect, since she was the one who paid for my first swastika tattoo.
Mark has taken to calling me ‘Hitler’ now, as in, “See ya later Hitler, don’t let the [mumble mumble something about Russian hordes].”
And I came up with a little Hitler dance yesterday afternoon. It involves making funny faces and goosestepping around the lebensraum shouting “Raus raus, fila fila!” with my finger under my nose like a moustache.
We’ve had to figure out everyone’s role in the new Swordfight axis of evil. If I’m Hitler, then Mark decided he’s Finland (didn’t want to be evil but got invaded and had no choice). And Gerry is Italy (he wants everybody to vote for George Bush so he must be a fascist).
That means Claudette must be Japan… only, instead of bombing Pearl Harbor… she got bombed in Hell’s Kitchen.
I’d been on this Satan kick, calling the blog “the new face of evil” and thinking that Satan is the epitome of all things evil. But yesterday I realized something.
Hitler too is pretty damn evil. In fact, it is quite possible that Hitler might be more evil than Satan.
So I decided to set up a little competition. Who’s more evil… Hitler or Satan? Here we go–
SATAN: Van Dyke beard.
HITLER: Charlie Chaplin moustache.
SATAN: Unleashed a plague of locusts.
HITLER: Unleashed the Volkswagen Beetle.
SATAN: Was on a mission to test Job.
HITLER: Was missing a testicle. Never got a blowjob.
SATAN: Was given powerful dialogue by John Milton.
HITLER: Wrote his own material.
HITLER: Was responsible for the deaths of millions of people during his brutal reign.
SATAN: Never actually existed.
Final score: By a 3-2 margin, Satan is more evil than Hitler.