American bathrooms should have signs over the urinals that read “Please put your bird away before texting.”

Except I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in the muck so some sign could tell me to put my bird away while using my iPhone. I’m going to stand right here in a McDonald’s bathroom with my bird hanging out and I will send a text message if I want to and if you don’t like it, too bad. Yep, just hanging out, enjoying my text message.

Hey guys I saw Sarah Palin in Bryant Park. She was standing on the merry-go-round with a couple of her crotch-fruit and getting her hair combed by a small Asian man:

I had trouble getting a decent picture because I had to fight my way to the front of this huge crowd.

soundtrack: Born To Lose by Johnny Thunders.