10.31.2004
Everything about her makes me so damn mad.
http://www.townhall.com/columnists/anncoulter/ac20041021.shtmlesx
5:44 PM
10.29.2004
Today I saw a tin pencil case through a lens. Pencils lined like golden frozen ribbons. Knees melting and I want to cry.
The problem is the promises. People make such empty promises.
6:25 PM
10.28.2004
Remind me to never use exclamation marks on my computer ever again. Maybe I use them too much anyway, you know to show anger. I was writing Jeff and the computer went all wonky and broke down and now my mother tells me they don’t sterilize their needles in korea. I’ve been informed to never get a needle in korea. Too late my sweet. They don’t wear gloves either. I may have to get an operation. Isn’t that exciting? They aren’t even going to put me to sleep, just freeze parts of my body.
I have this kid. I hate him lots. Well, I don’t hate him, but he’s one of those kids that likes to bug you to get your attention. So he’s always flipping his eyelids inside out. He thinks I’m going to be so thrilled to see bloody eyelids. The other day one of them came at me with a needle, laughing. Those again. I didn’t want to get my skin shred so I managed to wrestle it from his fingers and since it was full of water I pumped it and got him soaked. Then he told on me.
There are lots of people in the world. Lots of kinds. What kind do you dislike the most, Jason? I dislike cowards. That’s a big category though, but it covers liars, users and cruel people because those are the branches of Big Chicken Shit. They can’t face other people, they can’t tell them anything real, they walk around with their pants at their ankles and their asshole in the air for everyone to smell.
And by the way, I don’t recall ever leaning over a bar and saying “have a nice life.” I said “have a nice life” in the kitchen. I yelled in the bar. So yeah. Sweet dreams, Jason. It’ll be weird going back to Canada without you there. I still like to get my feet wet in the ocean, sit at the front and let the waves push me over.
__________________________
Hello sweetheart, what is your home now? Are you a famous potter? You know how people wear odd socks. Well, for some reason today, I’ve put in two different prescription contacts and I can’t see a damn thing.
Alex and I are doing well, except he’s trying to quit smoking so he’s quite the little bastard. But of course, I don’t help, exacerbating the touchy spots…come see me…come see me…he’s trying to save money he’s moving to Toronto and we’ll live together. That will be a challenge in patience. For me it is all instant gratification…come see me…come see me…I say don’t save money, he says when will you trust me, “I do, I do!!! I do…I do…” “you cast doubt.” “I am destructive.” “yes.”
do you have a phone number? I think I would live to get out of here. I am jealous of everyone who is not with me. What are your plans? How was Christmas with l-l and Tamara? My Christmas was wonderful. On boxing day I went to Tasha’s and steve flew down from Sydney. We played trivial pursuit, mixed our drinks with shameless abandon and read poems. I called Toronto, drunk and slurring at 6 am, to say I was sick and I wouldn’t be in. evil lurks in the minds of all graduates.
love claudette
__________________________
Well. I’m glad to hear you finally quit that sweatshop, and that’s exactly what it is, those fility human exploiters should be shot for hurting my sherri’s arm( or hand, or was that a back. Shoulder????) I had an event today. Tash, jean and I went to a hairshop where I bought Paul Mitchell Hair Conditioner and we went through one of those twirly doors, you know the kind, and well, being who I am and all, I kind of jumped into Tasha’s twirly stall at the last possible second and my Big Black Bag got stuck in between doors and we were caught in the middle of the twirly door concoction and I was desperately trying to wedge my bag free, while Koreans stared on in disgust and Tasha huffed a little, and Jean just kept screaming “What Happened?”
Oh my God I’m sitting here laughing hysterically. Anyway earlier today we took the 131-1 bus to Sajik-Dong where they have beautiful sprawling blocks of meshed concrete and a stadium where they play “sports”. Anyway, a man on a bike began to follow us and talk. This always seems to happen when you don’t want a man on a bike to follow you. He asked me if he could come where we were going. Anyway we hopped into a bra store to get away from him, but he followed us in. I even went through the torture of trying one of those pointy, lace things on but he stuck around. When I left he asked me if it was too tight. That’s just really gross so I told him it was girl day for us and he must leave or the world would crumble and fall into the ocean, Buddha will become a drinver of Pepsi and a regular burper, and all bras would be lace and hooks. He understood.
___________________________
Well I made it ok. Except I had to pay 100,000 won cause I lost my immigration card. And on the plane ride I had to sit by this white woman and her annoying 6 year old so I was forced to make small talk and I had to give the bun I was hoarding to her devil spawn. At one point the child wailed that Savage Garden song Jean likes. I thought I was going to die and I had to look at her t-ball pictures. And then half way through the ride she announced to the world that her mother stinks and accused her of not wiping herself. So, yeah, everything’s the same here. Are the police trying to find me? I left a bunch of stuff in the apartment, pictures (the ones of Spencer and Dustin’s butt) NEGATIVES THAT JEAN HAS, make-up, my green notebook with stuff written in it, if you ever get the chance could you send some or bring it home with you?
1:40 AM
10.26.2004
I was at the gym. This older woman came into the weight room. She was wearing a dripping wet bathing suit and a blue wet bathing cap. She drops her towel and starts lifting weights. Then she gets on the treadmill and starts walking. She watched the news. They were talking about how viagra helped some guys lose weight and they get laid more. I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror and when the husband said, “My wife likes it,” her mouth opened goldfishish and she had this look in her eyes like…like rapture. Then another woman wearing a bandanda and grey T-shirt starts singing polka songs in a different language.
11:25 PM
I've always had duality. Two feelings today. I feel cozy. But like I'm falling.
1:31 PM
10.24.2004
I could talk about the sauna in the basement of the art gallery on Friday night and hiding stems in my bra and going to a booze can in the middle of somewhere and the permenant lean at the party, how I'm dumb when I drink sometimes except a couple people found me sexy and I thought about taking up embroidery so I can make faux scout badges but that's a laugh could I really sit still for that long? and sometimes the things you say still confuse me.
6:05 PM
10.21.2004
Today is a horrible day. Last night I took a certain liquid gel tablet for colds. The night time version. Jesus. Instead of sleeping better I felt like I was on speed. Apparantly this is what happens to restless sleepers. I did not sleep and I had to be at work at 7 am. Sometime around 3 am I got that restless feeling in my wrists and my ankles---usually the stuff of anxiety attacks. No one can function like that. If I wanted to subject myself to that shit I'd be on ER. Thanks for the fucking lobotomy. I love when half my brain feels like it's floating above me.
And I have a sore tummy. Ouch ouch. Men have no idea how good they are at this. Men have healing hands. It's too bad most of them were told they don't. I wish you were here to rub my tummy. You're better than advil.
5:14 PM
10.19.2004
When I looked in the mirror this morning I did something different. I put my finger over the middle of my lip. I've had it since I was 6 years old. The doctor told my mother that it would fade but it would never go away, and it was alright because I could wear lipstick. All women wear lipstick. My mother huffed at him, " What if she doesn't want to wear lipstick?"
For the first time in my life, I imagined what my lip would look like without the scar.
4:36 PM
10.15.2004
“I think Claudette wanted to sleep with me when she lived here.”
"What makes you think that, Keith?"
“Because her eyes changed and she touched her hair every time I walked into the room.”
"Sooooo....every girl who blinks and touches her hair wants to fuck you?"
"You should probably say that to Claudette the next time you see her."
I would lick saliva off an equestrian's boot before I would ever let that guy touch me.
Good thing Allie and Stacey laughed you into shame and silence. Haaahaaa.
11:54 AM
10.12.2004
Fragile today. I don’t know why I stay up half the night sifting through disappointment like leftover cake. I don’t know why I still feel the effects of a love triangle older than Winnie the Poo socks with holes in the toes. If I had known I would be the last one standing…it is easy to tumble at the printer. Paul Quarrington’s face stares at you and you’re the only blinking. Fuck. Where do I have to go? The woods? Why did you tell me everything? Trying to sever the two of you is like trying to separate thread. I didn’t ask to be convinced.
1:27 PM
10.10.2004
I put on French Vanilla coffee and I’m on the third cup. Soon, the palms will sweat. Do you think it’s weird that I like the shower at my gym the best? Each one has its own glass door and the spray is magnificently robust. There’s aloe vera gel screwed to the tile. I enjoy it. The other day a big woman was walking around naked. It’s hard not to look. My room is on the top floor. It feels tucked. Almost attic-esque. Last night some feathers crashed and I hate baths.
I seriously hate baths. My muscles hurt so bad, tight with lactic acid, which sounds a lot like alien breastfeeding. Do you notice I bring up babies a lot? I am 29. I was lying in this hot bath, trying to relax. I can’t relax in the bath. I opened the door. I tried to channel my muscles, to think about them. But I felt faint. I was in there for 3 minutes, then I said “Fuck THIS!” and pulled the plug. The bath is such a bother. The only good thing is nipples. I bought the cutest orange light wool sweater from H&M. It has two tiny ruffles round the neck. But still, I’m not that blown away by H&M. That’s another place I feel faint---like I’m goin' down any minute. There are a lot of people here. A friend from Halifax is visiting her boyfriend in Collingwood. He wants to make robots. I said “Have you seen Terminator 3?” The other day someone pointed out that there will be no Termintor 4 because of Arnold’s new career. Too bad. I want to know what happens to Earth.
I saw an old woman sitting on a bench. She had shoulder length, messy, gray hair and a flower print dress. A crispy white onion next to her, on the front page. She, in her crumbled nylons, with a heel of onion spit-glued to her lower lip. Open. She stared at...something I couldn't see. For a long time.
This morning I woke up and there were tiny dead flies sprinkled on the kitchen table and the stove. There were also tiny dead flies stuck to the light above the table and the light above the stove. I brushed them off with toilet paper. I checked all the plants. It’s a mystery to me.
1:59 PM
10.08.2004
Has anyone read ‘Guns, Germs and Steel?’ by Jared Diamond. What did you think? I can’t wait to get paid so I can buy this book. It’s old---from 1997, so it's probably old news to a lot of people although I've heard similar, vague arguments from people over the years. Here’s a excerpt from a book review written by Danny Yee.
http://dannyreviews.com/h/Guns_Germs_Steel.html
“Why is it that Europeans ended up conquering so much of the world? Or, as one of Diamond's New Guinean friends asks him, why do they have all the "cargo"? Despite all the contrary evidence from anthropology and human biology, many persist in attributing the differing political and economic successes of the world's peoples to biological, "racial" differences. Others appeal to cultural differences or to historical contingency. But Diamond sees the fundamental causes as environmental, resting ultimately on ecological differences between the continents. An extended argument for this, Guns, Germs and Steel is nothing less than a history of Homo sapiens on a scale of continents and millennia.”
And another bit from Michael Levin.
http://www.lrainc.com/swtaboo/stalkers/ml_ggs.html
“The gaps in achievement among world cultures are an obvious problem for racial egalitarians. If no group is more talented than any other, why did Eurasians rather than Africans split the atom? Why didn’t indigenous Americans invent arithmetic?
Egalitarians usually dodge such questions, citing American "racism" to explain black and Hispanic failures in the United States despite its irrelevance to the "developing (i.e. undeveloped) world." To his credit, Jared Diamond has confronted this issue head-on. He hopes to explain the attainments of each race—he reluctantly accepts the concept of race—wholly in terms of geography and ecology rather than differences in innate abilities.”
2:22 PM
10.07.2004
Yesterday a friend of mine told me she sees Stacey stomping around town at times, you know waiting at stoplights.
'I really like Stacey," she said.
"hmmmmm."
"But sometimes I'm afraid of her."
"mmmhmmm."
"She always....well...she looks like, sometimes like she's on her way to kill someone."
"I can see that."
2:14 PM
10.06.2004
3:16 PM
mmmmmmm, trying to figure this photo thing out. Some seem to work. Others don't. Size wise.
3:01 PM
I am a woman who is constantly trying to maintain her illusions.
I look for illusions in my friends, my lovers, my potential friends and lovers.
When an illusion is revealed to me
“To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.”
When I actually see my own illusion
"The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief."
Hope is. An illusion we try to maintain. I have not been able to distinguish between illusion and hope.
I think I tread in a dangerous place.
2:06 PM
10.05.2004
The Holy Shroud. More to come...
7:51 PM
I just joined boxing classes. The gloves, the jabs, the dirty rope tricks and the blisters. Watch out! Bitches!
4:25 PM
10.04.2004
It was alright until the guy shifted. Sitting in the worst street car seat possible, there's a seat crammed in front of me. It's fine if you sit upright. Then the guy shifts between the mental ward and much music! His left butt hung over the side and GRAZED MY KNEE and then STAYED LIKE THAT.
I was ass-kneed. Incredulous.
5:46 PM
10.02.2004
A glass with a plant in it fell from the ledge in the kitchen and crashed into the glass dining room table downstairs right beside me. It made a loud noise that I thought was coming from the bedroom until I saw chunks of glass everywhere. It made dents in the hardwood floor. I was just nearly all sliced up like a peach in a salad.
4:20 PM
10.01.2004
moi. moi. A kiss on both cheeks.
"That's so French," I said.
"Can we French?" he said.
"NO!"
6:34 PM
Everything about her makes me so damn mad.
http://www.townhall.com/columnists/anncoulter/ac20041021.shtmlesx
5:44 PM
10.29.2004
Today I saw a tin pencil case through a lens. Pencils lined like golden frozen ribbons. Knees melting and I want to cry.
The problem is the promises. People make such empty promises.
6:25 PM
10.28.2004
Remind me to never use exclamation marks on my computer ever again. Maybe I use them too much anyway, you know to show anger. I was writing Jeff and the computer went all wonky and broke down and now my mother tells me they don’t sterilize their needles in korea. I’ve been informed to never get a needle in korea. Too late my sweet. They don’t wear gloves either. I may have to get an operation. Isn’t that exciting? They aren’t even going to put me to sleep, just freeze parts of my body.
I have this kid. I hate him lots. Well, I don’t hate him, but he’s one of those kids that likes to bug you to get your attention. So he’s always flipping his eyelids inside out. He thinks I’m going to be so thrilled to see bloody eyelids. The other day one of them came at me with a needle, laughing. Those again. I didn’t want to get my skin shred so I managed to wrestle it from his fingers and since it was full of water I pumped it and got him soaked. Then he told on me.
There are lots of people in the world. Lots of kinds. What kind do you dislike the most, Jason? I dislike cowards. That’s a big category though, but it covers liars, users and cruel people because those are the branches of Big Chicken Shit. They can’t face other people, they can’t tell them anything real, they walk around with their pants at their ankles and their asshole in the air for everyone to smell.
And by the way, I don’t recall ever leaning over a bar and saying “have a nice life.” I said “have a nice life” in the kitchen. I yelled in the bar. So yeah. Sweet dreams, Jason. It’ll be weird going back to Canada without you there. I still like to get my feet wet in the ocean, sit at the front and let the waves push me over.
__________________________
Hello sweetheart, what is your home now? Are you a famous potter? You know how people wear odd socks. Well, for some reason today, I’ve put in two different prescription contacts and I can’t see a damn thing.
Alex and I are doing well, except he’s trying to quit smoking so he’s quite the little bastard. But of course, I don’t help, exacerbating the touchy spots…come see me…come see me…he’s trying to save money he’s moving to Toronto and we’ll live together. That will be a challenge in patience. For me it is all instant gratification…come see me…come see me…I say don’t save money, he says when will you trust me, “I do, I do!!! I do…I do…” “you cast doubt.” “I am destructive.” “yes.”
do you have a phone number? I think I would live to get out of here. I am jealous of everyone who is not with me. What are your plans? How was Christmas with l-l and Tamara? My Christmas was wonderful. On boxing day I went to Tasha’s and steve flew down from Sydney. We played trivial pursuit, mixed our drinks with shameless abandon and read poems. I called Toronto, drunk and slurring at 6 am, to say I was sick and I wouldn’t be in. evil lurks in the minds of all graduates.
love claudette
__________________________
Well. I’m glad to hear you finally quit that sweatshop, and that’s exactly what it is, those fility human exploiters should be shot for hurting my sherri’s arm( or hand, or was that a back. Shoulder????) I had an event today. Tash, jean and I went to a hairshop where I bought Paul Mitchell Hair Conditioner and we went through one of those twirly doors, you know the kind, and well, being who I am and all, I kind of jumped into Tasha’s twirly stall at the last possible second and my Big Black Bag got stuck in between doors and we were caught in the middle of the twirly door concoction and I was desperately trying to wedge my bag free, while Koreans stared on in disgust and Tasha huffed a little, and Jean just kept screaming “What Happened?”
Oh my God I’m sitting here laughing hysterically. Anyway earlier today we took the 131-1 bus to Sajik-Dong where they have beautiful sprawling blocks of meshed concrete and a stadium where they play “sports”. Anyway, a man on a bike began to follow us and talk. This always seems to happen when you don’t want a man on a bike to follow you. He asked me if he could come where we were going. Anyway we hopped into a bra store to get away from him, but he followed us in. I even went through the torture of trying one of those pointy, lace things on but he stuck around. When I left he asked me if it was too tight. That’s just really gross so I told him it was girl day for us and he must leave or the world would crumble and fall into the ocean, Buddha will become a drinver of Pepsi and a regular burper, and all bras would be lace and hooks. He understood.
___________________________
Well I made it ok. Except I had to pay 100,000 won cause I lost my immigration card. And on the plane ride I had to sit by this white woman and her annoying 6 year old so I was forced to make small talk and I had to give the bun I was hoarding to her devil spawn. At one point the child wailed that Savage Garden song Jean likes. I thought I was going to die and I had to look at her t-ball pictures. And then half way through the ride she announced to the world that her mother stinks and accused her of not wiping herself. So, yeah, everything’s the same here. Are the police trying to find me? I left a bunch of stuff in the apartment, pictures (the ones of Spencer and Dustin’s butt) NEGATIVES THAT JEAN HAS, make-up, my green notebook with stuff written in it, if you ever get the chance could you send some or bring it home with you?
1:40 AM
10.26.2004
I was at the gym. This older woman came into the weight room. She was wearing a dripping wet bathing suit and a blue wet bathing cap. She drops her towel and starts lifting weights. Then she gets on the treadmill and starts walking. She watched the news. They were talking about how viagra helped some guys lose weight and they get laid more. I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror and when the husband said, “My wife likes it,” her mouth opened goldfishish and she had this look in her eyes like…like rapture. Then another woman wearing a bandanda and grey T-shirt starts singing polka songs in a different language.
11:25 PM
I've always had duality. Two feelings today. I feel cozy. But like I'm falling.
1:31 PM
10.24.2004
I could talk about the sauna in the basement of the art gallery on Friday night and hiding stems in my bra and going to a booze can in the middle of somewhere and the permenant lean at the party, how I'm dumb when I drink sometimes except a couple people found me sexy and I thought about taking up embroidery so I can make faux scout badges but that's a laugh could I really sit still for that long? and sometimes the things you say still confuse me.
6:05 PM
10.21.2004
Today is a horrible day. Last night I took a certain liquid gel tablet for colds. The night time version. Jesus. Instead of sleeping better I felt like I was on speed. Apparantly this is what happens to restless sleepers. I did not sleep and I had to be at work at 7 am. Sometime around 3 am I got that restless feeling in my wrists and my ankles---usually the stuff of anxiety attacks. No one can function like that. If I wanted to subject myself to that shit I'd be on ER. Thanks for the fucking lobotomy. I love when half my brain feels like it's floating above me.
And I have a sore tummy. Ouch ouch. Men have no idea how good they are at this. Men have healing hands. It's too bad most of them were told they don't. I wish you were here to rub my tummy. You're better than advil.
5:14 PM
10.19.2004
When I looked in the mirror this morning I did something different. I put my finger over the middle of my lip. I've had it since I was 6 years old. The doctor told my mother that it would fade but it would never go away, and it was alright because I could wear lipstick. All women wear lipstick. My mother huffed at him, " What if she doesn't want to wear lipstick?"
For the first time in my life, I imagined what my lip would look like without the scar.
4:36 PM
10.15.2004
“I think Claudette wanted to sleep with me when she lived here.”
"What makes you think that, Keith?"
“Because her eyes changed and she touched her hair every time I walked into the room.”
"Sooooo....every girl who blinks and touches her hair wants to fuck you?"
"You should probably say that to Claudette the next time you see her."
I would lick saliva off an equestrian's boot before I would ever let that guy touch me.
Good thing Allie and Stacey laughed you into shame and silence. Haaahaaa.
11:54 AM
10.12.2004
Fragile today. I don’t know why I stay up half the night sifting through disappointment like leftover cake. I don’t know why I still feel the effects of a love triangle older than Winnie the Poo socks with holes in the toes. If I had known I would be the last one standing…it is easy to tumble at the printer. Paul Quarrington’s face stares at you and you’re the only blinking. Fuck. Where do I have to go? The woods? Why did you tell me everything? Trying to sever the two of you is like trying to separate thread. I didn’t ask to be convinced.
1:27 PM
10.10.2004
I put on French Vanilla coffee and I’m on the third cup. Soon, the palms will sweat. Do you think it’s weird that I like the shower at my gym the best? Each one has its own glass door and the spray is magnificently robust. There’s aloe vera gel screwed to the tile. I enjoy it. The other day a big woman was walking around naked. It’s hard not to look. My room is on the top floor. It feels tucked. Almost attic-esque. Last night some feathers crashed and I hate baths.
I seriously hate baths. My muscles hurt so bad, tight with lactic acid, which sounds a lot like alien breastfeeding. Do you notice I bring up babies a lot? I am 29. I was lying in this hot bath, trying to relax. I can’t relax in the bath. I opened the door. I tried to channel my muscles, to think about them. But I felt faint. I was in there for 3 minutes, then I said “Fuck THIS!” and pulled the plug. The bath is such a bother. The only good thing is nipples. I bought the cutest orange light wool sweater from H&M. It has two tiny ruffles round the neck. But still, I’m not that blown away by H&M. That’s another place I feel faint---like I’m goin' down any minute. There are a lot of people here. A friend from Halifax is visiting her boyfriend in Collingwood. He wants to make robots. I said “Have you seen Terminator 3?” The other day someone pointed out that there will be no Termintor 4 because of Arnold’s new career. Too bad. I want to know what happens to Earth.
I saw an old woman sitting on a bench. She had shoulder length, messy, gray hair and a flower print dress. A crispy white onion next to her, on the front page. She, in her crumbled nylons, with a heel of onion spit-glued to her lower lip. Open. She stared at...something I couldn't see. For a long time.
This morning I woke up and there were tiny dead flies sprinkled on the kitchen table and the stove. There were also tiny dead flies stuck to the light above the table and the light above the stove. I brushed them off with toilet paper. I checked all the plants. It’s a mystery to me.
1:59 PM
10.08.2004
Has anyone read ‘Guns, Germs and Steel?’ by Jared Diamond. What did you think? I can’t wait to get paid so I can buy this book. It’s old---from 1997, so it's probably old news to a lot of people although I've heard similar, vague arguments from people over the years. Here’s a excerpt from a book review written by Danny Yee.
http://dannyreviews.com/h/Guns_Germs_Steel.html
“Why is it that Europeans ended up conquering so much of the world? Or, as one of Diamond's New Guinean friends asks him, why do they have all the "cargo"? Despite all the contrary evidence from anthropology and human biology, many persist in attributing the differing political and economic successes of the world's peoples to biological, "racial" differences. Others appeal to cultural differences or to historical contingency. But Diamond sees the fundamental causes as environmental, resting ultimately on ecological differences between the continents. An extended argument for this, Guns, Germs and Steel is nothing less than a history of Homo sapiens on a scale of continents and millennia.”
And another bit from Michael Levin.
http://www.lrainc.com/swtaboo/stalkers/ml_ggs.html
“The gaps in achievement among world cultures are an obvious problem for racial egalitarians. If no group is more talented than any other, why did Eurasians rather than Africans split the atom? Why didn’t indigenous Americans invent arithmetic?
Egalitarians usually dodge such questions, citing American "racism" to explain black and Hispanic failures in the United States despite its irrelevance to the "developing (i.e. undeveloped) world." To his credit, Jared Diamond has confronted this issue head-on. He hopes to explain the attainments of each race—he reluctantly accepts the concept of race—wholly in terms of geography and ecology rather than differences in innate abilities.”
2:22 PM
10.07.2004
Yesterday a friend of mine told me she sees Stacey stomping around town at times, you know waiting at stoplights.
'I really like Stacey," she said.
"hmmmmm."
"But sometimes I'm afraid of her."
"mmmhmmm."
"She always....well...she looks like, sometimes like she's on her way to kill someone."
"I can see that."
2:14 PM
10.06.2004
3:16 PM
mmmmmmm, trying to figure this photo thing out. Some seem to work. Others don't. Size wise.
3:01 PM
I am a woman who is constantly trying to maintain her illusions.
I look for illusions in my friends, my lovers, my potential friends and lovers.
When an illusion is revealed to me
“To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.”
When I actually see my own illusion
"The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief."
Hope is. An illusion we try to maintain. I have not been able to distinguish between illusion and hope.
I think I tread in a dangerous place.
2:06 PM
10.05.2004
The Holy Shroud. More to come...
7:51 PM
I just joined boxing classes. The gloves, the jabs, the dirty rope tricks and the blisters. Watch out! Bitches!
4:25 PM
10.04.2004
It was alright until the guy shifted. Sitting in the worst street car seat possible, there's a seat crammed in front of me. It's fine if you sit upright. Then the guy shifts between the mental ward and much music! His left butt hung over the side and GRAZED MY KNEE and then STAYED LIKE THAT.
I was ass-kneed. Incredulous.
5:46 PM
10.02.2004
A glass with a plant in it fell from the ledge in the kitchen and crashed into the glass dining room table downstairs right beside me. It made a loud noise that I thought was coming from the bedroom until I saw chunks of glass everywhere. It made dents in the hardwood floor. I was just nearly all sliced up like a peach in a salad.
4:20 PM
10.01.2004
moi. moi. A kiss on both cheeks.
"That's so French," I said.
"Can we French?" he said.
"NO!"
6:34 PM
