3.29.2006
The Walls are Peach
This morning I was watching my cat do good looking things on the rug in the living room. It's sunny.
I remember something I did when I was like 3 years old, when we lived in the trailor park. We had a male tom cat named Sasquatch. He had like 8 fingered paws.
Sasquatch was licking and cleaning himself. I was probably wearing that cute yellow shorts outfit and I thought "Fuck man that looks like hard work." Cats and their licking licking licking.
I asked my mom "What's the cat doing?"
"Cleaning himself," she said and went back to doing what moms in the seventies did.
CLEANING HIMSELF?!
I stuck out my tongue and licked the cat's back a few times. I wanted to help. I thought, "This is what you're supposed to do. Help the cat."
I got in trouble.
I asked my mom this morning. "Do you remember when I licked the cat?"
And my mom wrinkled up her nose and said "YEEEEEEEEEESSSS. Gross."
9:52 AM
3.27.2006
Happy Three One Birthday Scott Tweedie! I love you.
9:42 AM
3.25.2006
Back to Talking about the Baby.
1:05 PM
Just So's Y'as All Know (not that I need to explain myself but....not ALL of my relationship choices are bad). In fact most of them are quite fantastic...you, some of the readers, just don't know about them.
Yeah. This guy has some major problems. Yeah. Sometimes people make bad choices about who they sleep with. It's not like I went out with him for years and years. I met him through friends. He seemed like a nice punk rocker who is a chef. He was working as head chef at a fancy restaurant when I met him. We were together for a month when I became pregnant (yikes). I was already questioning whether I even liked him enough to continue dating him. I moved him into the second bedroom. I thought he was drinking a lot. He wasn't. Within weeks I found out it was drugs (in a most stressful way) and I got rid of him as quickly as I could without angering him further. In my 14 years of dating I have only dated two men who were....problems...Alex and this guy.
So there.
12:39 PM
3.21.2006
I looked it up. This is normal.
Lately everything sets me into a luxery guilt vacaction mode (except when you get to the Mexican resort there's mold all over the walls and the furniture and you're miffed cause they didn't care enough to paint over it).
Shit, I've been drinking coffee. Like that. And shit...I let people smoke around me. So I switched to decaf. And you're not allowed to smoke around me anymore. I lay in bed at night thinking about all the threads I have to cut off all the clothes cause if I don't the threads will wrap around my baby's little fingers, cut off the circulation and in the morning I will have a fingerless baby. It sounds funny. But it's not.
I have decided to go the el cheapo route with this baby. I am afterall, going to be on a very tight budget for at least the next year and a half. Possibly more if that asshole Prime Minister who seems to think all of Canada is middle class with two parents who can afford nannies gets his daycare way (oh gee thanks for the 1200....that covers one month of day care in most provinces, when subsidized day care can cover up to 750/month in places like British Columbia and you just pay the difference). I'm going to write this asshole a letter. Even if I got a really great full time TV job when my baby turns 6 months and I had to stick her in daycare (which I don't even want to do), I'd still be working just to pay for daycare. Even on a 50,000/year salary. What world does this asshole live in. His brilliant day care plan makes IT CHEAPER for me to GET WELFARE and stay at home. Canada is messed up.
oh yeah...cheap route. In other words...I don't do that baby shopping thing. I don't get sucked in by bumbo chairs and special eyewear for the outdoors. So...all my clothes are second hand (save for some cute things my mom bought that I picked out like the black Elvis shirt and the bright orange diaper shirt).
I'm using cloth diapers. They have great ones now but a good one can cost about 15 each (although in the end, after 2 years, you're still saving about $2000 for disposables...not to mention the environment and the gross chemicals on those diapers next to your babies skin). I got a about 10 cloth diapers FOR FREE---third generation (and no they're not stained and gross and they absorb better when they're used more). Some fancy ones from a fancy store in Toronto.
Also my mom is actually listening to me. I can't fucking believe it. She is looking at the cloth diapers I want (including the wool overnight ones that run at about $30 each).
I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm lucky and fortunate. My parents are basically outfitting the nursery (which will be a corner in my bedroom...I don't belive in sending newborns off to sleep by themselves). My uncle is buying me a "top of the line" jogging stroller (YAY!). All these things will be bought when I arrive in my new province (yes I'm moving in October). My mother is listening to me when I say, "There are special diaper bags for people who use cloth although they cost about 80 each." That means I might get one for that ridiculous baby shower in June. Shit like that makes me happy. Cause I have a check list and what other people don't buy me I have to take out of my rent/food budget I'm saving for the next 6 months while I live at home (thanks mom and dad!!!) and buy it myself.
PS. I didn't actually know this whole post would be about babies and money. If you read the whole thing you must either love me or you're as bored as I am. Forgive me. If you've ever had a baby maybe you understand why my brain is doing this to me. *UGH.
9:06 AM
3.13.2006
At the flea market, while I was waiting for french fries, a woman showed me the hat pin she just bought. It looked like an overstuffed domino missing some parts. But it was pretty and flakey and silver.
Then the woman with the hat pin told me how some hat pins were banned at the turn of the century.
"Hat pins were once banned! Who would have known?!"
"Well some of them were thiiiiiiiiiis long," roughly the length of a pig.
"What?! No shit!" I said.
"Yeah," she said. "Well people were getting hurt you know. Mostly men."
"Men were getting hurt," I said and nodded my head.
"Well they stuck out to here," and she indicated 'here' with her hand, "and men are taller than women so they were getting poked in the eye by the ends of these sharp hat pins.
"Women were ordered to put stoppers on the ends of their hat pins so all the men would stop getting hurt."
"Oh the poor men," I said and I poured some ketchup on my french fries.
"Yes, the poor men," she smiled.
Then I bought a polaroid camera for 5 bucks.
Part 2
In the afternoon Stacey and I went to One World Cafe and ate some nachos. We took pictures and hung out with people. It was like a regular summer afternoon. I took a picture of Emily at the Laundry Mat on Agricola. Her orange dress blew up and I liked that.
Stacey and I walked to Video Difference, avoiding the Commons at all costs.
Stacey had to pee so we went to Perk's.
I convinced her to come in the bathroom with me.
"It's time to take boob shots," I said and locked the door.
"Oh Clodebt," she said. "I feel like those crazy girls in the Aerosmith video who go in convience stores and pull up their shirts."
I went first. I had to play with my nipples to make them look better.
"Where do I look?! I don't know if I can do this," said Stacey. Her eyes are closed.
"Just take the picture," I said. She took the picture.
"Put your shirt on," she said.
"Your turn." I said. Stacey said she didn't know if she could do it.
"Oh JUST DO IT, Shawn will reeeeeeeeeeeally like it."
So Stacey lifted her shirt and said "Ohhhhh Clodebt I just feel soooooooo diiiiiiiiirty."
"That's the point. We have a polaroid camera. This is what you do with polaroid cameras. Now---- do you want your head in the picture or just your tits?"
10:13 AM
3.11.2006
Ohhhhhhhhh it just got sunny out and my mood just skyed it. It's only 2 pm and I have cried...ohhhh...about 4 times already. Jeesh. The second last one---my parents were just joking with me but I was just trying to explain that a stroller that suits a friend with an SUV and a 6 bedroom house might not be the best one for me. I don't need a stroller that fits in the trunk. "When's the last time she took the bus?" I need a stroller as light as a heart in love that fits in my one hand. I'm going to eat some pizza and some blueberries now while my eyes drop down to normal size from water saucers.
2:23 PM
"I keep writing a message then deleting it, because I don't want to open a certain can of worms and some things are just best to stay unsaid. If they have been unsaid for as long as they have been."
I like what my sister wrote.
10:27 AM
3.10.2006
Things I do now.
read about babies.
watch general hospital
take baths
apply vitamin e oil to my ass
steal miniature chocolate bunnies from my sister's care package.
4:22 PM
3.06.2006
You know what I hate?
Lazy friends.
so anyway. today I drove around with Stacey and listened to Dog Day. I bought presents for people. I went into Value Village and I wasn't even interested. Some people. Tired of doing shit for people and not getting much in return. In other words, I have very few friends who actually make the effort. The ones who do...well...I notice.
8:30 PM
3.02.2006
Someday I'm going to write a really great book...
"The cats knocked it over and broke it. It's in the garbage, I can get it out and prove it to you." (Christmas gift: a long wood candle holder--too heavy for a cat to knock over..obviously returned to the store a few days after Christmas)
"As soon as I get my bankcard (in the mail) I can go back to the pawn shop and buy back the stereo." (Never happened)
"I need the 10 dollars back to buy bus tickets to look for a job." (at 2 am).
"I don't know what happened to the food in the fridge." (just bought, obviously sold or traded for drugs)
"I'm just doing cocaine, not crack."
"I just like incense." (in the middle of the night...to mask the smell of crack in a pipe)
"I don't know where your camera is. I didn't take it. Why would I admit to taking your stereo but not your camera. That's stupid."
"As soon as I can find a couch to sleep on and a job, I'll get treatment."
"I don't need rehab again. This is just a relapse. I had one before and it lasted a month then I stopped."
"I've just been drinking a lot."
"I only borrowed 100 dollars from your account. I owed my friend money. The bank is wrong." (when 200 was missing...taken out in 20 dollar intervals until 7 am)
"I fell asleep on the couch." (But I checked...you weren't there..)."I must of have been out for a walk. I'm stressed, I couldn't sleep."
"You can call the cops all you want, they won't kick me out."
"I lost my job because you kicked me out."
"I'm trying to stop, can't you see that."
11:09 AM
The Walls are Peach
This morning I was watching my cat do good looking things on the rug in the living room. It's sunny.
I remember something I did when I was like 3 years old, when we lived in the trailor park. We had a male tom cat named Sasquatch. He had like 8 fingered paws.
Sasquatch was licking and cleaning himself. I was probably wearing that cute yellow shorts outfit and I thought "Fuck man that looks like hard work." Cats and their licking licking licking.
I asked my mom "What's the cat doing?"
"Cleaning himself," she said and went back to doing what moms in the seventies did.
CLEANING HIMSELF?!
I stuck out my tongue and licked the cat's back a few times. I wanted to help. I thought, "This is what you're supposed to do. Help the cat."
I got in trouble.
I asked my mom this morning. "Do you remember when I licked the cat?"
And my mom wrinkled up her nose and said "YEEEEEEEEEESSSS. Gross."
9:52 AM
3.27.2006
Happy Three One Birthday Scott Tweedie! I love you.
9:42 AM
3.25.2006
Back to Talking about the Baby.
- I joined Prenatal Yoga. I loved it. It helps you to prepare for birth by strengthening your leg muscles. I am going to go once a week until I can't go anymore in July. Then I am going to join the Moms and Babies Yoga class. You bring your baby! Even a newborn! So cool. I'll do that until I move to BC and then I'll join one there. I think it's a good way to get out of the house. Since I'm breastfeeding I will have my child with me all the time. Which is fine by me. I'm also taking a baby massage class at the Y....massage can help soothe your crying baby.
- Kate (Gwenna's mom) made me a sling for my baby gift. It is violet and has a black lace pattern over it. It is soooooooooooo long. I will have to teach myself how to wrap it. With a baby inside. Scary. I wish Kate still lived in Halifax. She has helped me a lot.
- My mom's friend asked me if I had a theme for the nursery. I was like "What are you talking about? My theme for the nursery is...sleep."
- I want to tell you some names but I'm afraid. Tweedie keeps vetoing me! (but I secretly like it)
- I put my name on a cloth diaper waiting list. They're made locally and really popular: made with snaps and one size fits all. I think with these and Sarah's diapers I will have enough.
- I am conducting experiments on my child. I am playing music for her and I want to see which music she likes the best. So far she LOVES Neutral Milk Hotel. Especially the horn parts. She kicks and kicks when they come on. Sometimes I try to wake her up and make her kick by poking at my stomach. But it doesn't work. Getting kicked in the cervix hurts. Any other suggestions for music? It would have to be long lasting stuff that I will want to listen to after she is born, as it will help her sleep. Johnny Cash for sure.
- I bought some new shoes. They are low key silver scuffed with a delicate pink/green crochet trim. For me. Not her.
1:05 PM
Just So's Y'as All Know (not that I need to explain myself but....not ALL of my relationship choices are bad). In fact most of them are quite fantastic...you, some of the readers, just don't know about them.
Yeah. This guy has some major problems. Yeah. Sometimes people make bad choices about who they sleep with. It's not like I went out with him for years and years. I met him through friends. He seemed like a nice punk rocker who is a chef. He was working as head chef at a fancy restaurant when I met him. We were together for a month when I became pregnant (yikes). I was already questioning whether I even liked him enough to continue dating him. I moved him into the second bedroom. I thought he was drinking a lot. He wasn't. Within weeks I found out it was drugs (in a most stressful way) and I got rid of him as quickly as I could without angering him further. In my 14 years of dating I have only dated two men who were....problems...Alex and this guy.
So there.
12:39 PM
3.21.2006
I looked it up. This is normal.
Lately everything sets me into a luxery guilt vacaction mode (except when you get to the Mexican resort there's mold all over the walls and the furniture and you're miffed cause they didn't care enough to paint over it).
Shit, I've been drinking coffee. Like that. And shit...I let people smoke around me. So I switched to decaf. And you're not allowed to smoke around me anymore. I lay in bed at night thinking about all the threads I have to cut off all the clothes cause if I don't the threads will wrap around my baby's little fingers, cut off the circulation and in the morning I will have a fingerless baby. It sounds funny. But it's not.
I have decided to go the el cheapo route with this baby. I am afterall, going to be on a very tight budget for at least the next year and a half. Possibly more if that asshole Prime Minister who seems to think all of Canada is middle class with two parents who can afford nannies gets his daycare way (oh gee thanks for the 1200....that covers one month of day care in most provinces, when subsidized day care can cover up to 750/month in places like British Columbia and you just pay the difference). I'm going to write this asshole a letter. Even if I got a really great full time TV job when my baby turns 6 months and I had to stick her in daycare (which I don't even want to do), I'd still be working just to pay for daycare. Even on a 50,000/year salary. What world does this asshole live in. His brilliant day care plan makes IT CHEAPER for me to GET WELFARE and stay at home. Canada is messed up.
oh yeah...cheap route. In other words...I don't do that baby shopping thing. I don't get sucked in by bumbo chairs and special eyewear for the outdoors. So...all my clothes are second hand (save for some cute things my mom bought that I picked out like the black Elvis shirt and the bright orange diaper shirt).
I'm using cloth diapers. They have great ones now but a good one can cost about 15 each (although in the end, after 2 years, you're still saving about $2000 for disposables...not to mention the environment and the gross chemicals on those diapers next to your babies skin). I got a about 10 cloth diapers FOR FREE---third generation (and no they're not stained and gross and they absorb better when they're used more). Some fancy ones from a fancy store in Toronto.
Also my mom is actually listening to me. I can't fucking believe it. She is looking at the cloth diapers I want (including the wool overnight ones that run at about $30 each).
I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm lucky and fortunate. My parents are basically outfitting the nursery (which will be a corner in my bedroom...I don't belive in sending newborns off to sleep by themselves). My uncle is buying me a "top of the line" jogging stroller (YAY!). All these things will be bought when I arrive in my new province (yes I'm moving in October). My mother is listening to me when I say, "There are special diaper bags for people who use cloth although they cost about 80 each." That means I might get one for that ridiculous baby shower in June. Shit like that makes me happy. Cause I have a check list and what other people don't buy me I have to take out of my rent/food budget I'm saving for the next 6 months while I live at home (thanks mom and dad!!!) and buy it myself.
PS. I didn't actually know this whole post would be about babies and money. If you read the whole thing you must either love me or you're as bored as I am. Forgive me. If you've ever had a baby maybe you understand why my brain is doing this to me. *UGH.
9:06 AM
3.13.2006
At the flea market, while I was waiting for french fries, a woman showed me the hat pin she just bought. It looked like an overstuffed domino missing some parts. But it was pretty and flakey and silver.
Then the woman with the hat pin told me how some hat pins were banned at the turn of the century.
"Hat pins were once banned! Who would have known?!"
"Well some of them were thiiiiiiiiiis long," roughly the length of a pig.
"What?! No shit!" I said.
"Yeah," she said. "Well people were getting hurt you know. Mostly men."
"Men were getting hurt," I said and nodded my head.
"Well they stuck out to here," and she indicated 'here' with her hand, "and men are taller than women so they were getting poked in the eye by the ends of these sharp hat pins.
"Women were ordered to put stoppers on the ends of their hat pins so all the men would stop getting hurt."
"Oh the poor men," I said and I poured some ketchup on my french fries.
"Yes, the poor men," she smiled.
Then I bought a polaroid camera for 5 bucks.
Part 2
In the afternoon Stacey and I went to One World Cafe and ate some nachos. We took pictures and hung out with people. It was like a regular summer afternoon. I took a picture of Emily at the Laundry Mat on Agricola. Her orange dress blew up and I liked that.
Stacey and I walked to Video Difference, avoiding the Commons at all costs.
Stacey had to pee so we went to Perk's.
I convinced her to come in the bathroom with me.
"It's time to take boob shots," I said and locked the door.
"Oh Clodebt," she said. "I feel like those crazy girls in the Aerosmith video who go in convience stores and pull up their shirts."
I went first. I had to play with my nipples to make them look better.
"Where do I look?! I don't know if I can do this," said Stacey. Her eyes are closed.
"Just take the picture," I said. She took the picture.
"Put your shirt on," she said.
"Your turn." I said. Stacey said she didn't know if she could do it.
"Oh JUST DO IT, Shawn will reeeeeeeeeeeally like it."
So Stacey lifted her shirt and said "Ohhhhh Clodebt I just feel soooooooo diiiiiiiiirty."
"That's the point. We have a polaroid camera. This is what you do with polaroid cameras. Now---- do you want your head in the picture or just your tits?"
10:13 AM
3.11.2006
Ohhhhhhhhh it just got sunny out and my mood just skyed it. It's only 2 pm and I have cried...ohhhh...about 4 times already. Jeesh. The second last one---my parents were just joking with me but I was just trying to explain that a stroller that suits a friend with an SUV and a 6 bedroom house might not be the best one for me. I don't need a stroller that fits in the trunk. "When's the last time she took the bus?" I need a stroller as light as a heart in love that fits in my one hand. I'm going to eat some pizza and some blueberries now while my eyes drop down to normal size from water saucers.
2:23 PM
"I keep writing a message then deleting it, because I don't want to open a certain can of worms and some things are just best to stay unsaid. If they have been unsaid for as long as they have been."
I like what my sister wrote.
10:27 AM
3.10.2006
Things I do now.
read about babies.
watch general hospital
take baths
apply vitamin e oil to my ass
steal miniature chocolate bunnies from my sister's care package.
4:22 PM
3.06.2006
You know what I hate?
Lazy friends.
so anyway. today I drove around with Stacey and listened to Dog Day. I bought presents for people. I went into Value Village and I wasn't even interested. Some people. Tired of doing shit for people and not getting much in return. In other words, I have very few friends who actually make the effort. The ones who do...well...I notice.
8:30 PM
3.02.2006
Someday I'm going to write a really great book...
"The cats knocked it over and broke it. It's in the garbage, I can get it out and prove it to you." (Christmas gift: a long wood candle holder--too heavy for a cat to knock over..obviously returned to the store a few days after Christmas)
"As soon as I get my bankcard (in the mail) I can go back to the pawn shop and buy back the stereo." (Never happened)
"I need the 10 dollars back to buy bus tickets to look for a job." (at 2 am).
"I don't know what happened to the food in the fridge." (just bought, obviously sold or traded for drugs)
"I'm just doing cocaine, not crack."
"I just like incense." (in the middle of the night...to mask the smell of crack in a pipe)
"I don't know where your camera is. I didn't take it. Why would I admit to taking your stereo but not your camera. That's stupid."
"As soon as I can find a couch to sleep on and a job, I'll get treatment."
"I don't need rehab again. This is just a relapse. I had one before and it lasted a month then I stopped."
"I've just been drinking a lot."
"I only borrowed 100 dollars from your account. I owed my friend money. The bank is wrong." (when 200 was missing...taken out in 20 dollar intervals until 7 am)
"I fell asleep on the couch." (But I checked...you weren't there..)."I must of have been out for a walk. I'm stressed, I couldn't sleep."
"You can call the cops all you want, they won't kick me out."
"I lost my job because you kicked me out."
"I'm trying to stop, can't you see that."
11:09 AM
