9.22.2005
Everywhere I go I cause some kind of shit. Jason told me what Shannen said about it, and I think he said it best and it goes something like: she doesn't dress like a punk rocker, she looks different but she's a rebel and she thinks the same way and when she does something they would do, like toss a beer bottle, they don't know how to react.
I find I can be just as much as a dick as the next person. But I tend to get a lot of flak. I don't really know why. It makes me homesick for the people who know me. Even the ones who I thought knew me. Too many to name.
4:47 PM
9.15.2005
I wanna spray paint mini plastic babies and float them in condoms fill a dog cage and hang it from the ceiling. I want a murder scene with paper dolls. I want to do a photo essay on yellow, toilets and the open trunks of vans. I want to make the most huge plaster painting of 3d body parts. I want to embroider the curves and the shadows.
Fuck the cbc.
11:17 PM
9.12.2005
I smoked half a cigarette while waiting for the streetcar.
A few stops later, around Spadina, I checked my bag to make sure I had my wallet so I could cash my check and buy some booze and some sunglasses. Can't keep either of those around, but I plan on buying a case for the sweet Jason, and some strawberry beer. I checked my bag a few sorry seconds later and I saw tentacles. Black, hard shell tentacles.
"SHIT!" I yelled and threw my purse to the seat next to me, stared at it like it the beast that it was.
"What's in your purse?" said the guy sitting at the back with me.
"A cockroach." My eyes, big and bigger. "A big ONE, the ones that come up the drain...a madacascar COCKROACH."
"Damn," he smiled.
"You have to help me. I am afraaaaaaid of cockroaches." He backed into his seat.
'Pour out your purse," he said, "It'll crawl away." I tried. But I couldn't. The drunk guy sitting ahead startes asking questions. I imagine streetcar panic and I'm like. "Nothing, nothing there's in my purse."
"You do it," I say to the guy.
"It's YOUR PURSE," he smiles at me.
"You're CHICKEN! You're a chicken!" I point at him. "HELP ME!"
He takes my purse and he's about to dump it out and I look up and see that shoe store and Much Music and I'm like "Shit! It's my stop!"
I take my purse and get off, holding it far away from me.
op, time's up.
"YOU DO IT, pleeeeeeeeeeease."
4:37 PM
9.09.2005
My friend is having this once a month sex thing with a married guy. For like 3 years. He's pretty hairy and there's something up with his eyes. We put on make-up and earrings and went over to the bar for his media opening for his poster art show. We snuck in a Lowenbrau. Got caught with the empty can under the table and just denied everything.
Then we came back to my place and made bacon. I went to the store to buy chips and dip and they were making out in the kitchen. We went outside to smoke. My friend went to the washroom and soon as she was gone he shuffles over to me and says "You have really nice legs." "Yeah, I know, thanks." "You have nice breasts too." "Yup. The best." Then he makes a dive for my neck with his lips and bites my ear. "Do you mind?" He huffs. Yeah, actually I do.
"I have a boyfriend."
"I have a wife."
"Yeah. Exactly."
My friend comes back. I raise my eyebrow at her. She gets it. She tells him to leave. We go back inside and I settle her on the couch with a duvet pillow and a silk bathrobe and a beer.
I wonder what he got.
11:44 PM
9.08.2005
There's a fucking cockroach in my house. Heather is standing on a table. Heather is a sissy. She wouldn't get off her bed. It's huge. It's almost as big as the ones in Korea. I can not stand this. I was froze. I really wanted to kill it. I threw walnuts at the cockroaches in Korea. Where are my walnuts? WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?
12:18 AM
9.07.2005
It's no one's fault. I wouldn't have loved you if I didn't want to.
We can spend years picking at petals and reciting fantasies. Then what. Lots of time in a bottle, crying, about what is and what isn't.
I sat on the front step tonight tears and a drink. I gathered the past like a precious blue silk, wrapped it around my shoulders.
Cold and soft.
12:27 AM
9.02.2005
Ok. So here's the deal. I have a dead computer. It blipped out about 5 months ago. No wait. Just before the wedding. Whateves. It's in my closet. I'm hoping some geek on a white horse will put it back together again. AND, our home phone just stopped working. You can still leave a message but there's no dial tone. AND, the phone people said if it's a line inside the house, like in our walls, WE have to pay for it. "Oh, Ha ha ha," I said. (the enter key doesn't work). "WE, my dear Heather, are NOT paying for it. The landlords are PAYING for it. AND. I want the mother effing carpets cleaned cause they smell like New Orleans." So... the landing strip....
4:21 PM
Everywhere I go I cause some kind of shit. Jason told me what Shannen said about it, and I think he said it best and it goes something like: she doesn't dress like a punk rocker, she looks different but she's a rebel and she thinks the same way and when she does something they would do, like toss a beer bottle, they don't know how to react.
I find I can be just as much as a dick as the next person. But I tend to get a lot of flak. I don't really know why. It makes me homesick for the people who know me. Even the ones who I thought knew me. Too many to name.
4:47 PM
9.15.2005
I wanna spray paint mini plastic babies and float them in condoms fill a dog cage and hang it from the ceiling. I want a murder scene with paper dolls. I want to do a photo essay on yellow, toilets and the open trunks of vans. I want to make the most huge plaster painting of 3d body parts. I want to embroider the curves and the shadows.
Fuck the cbc.
11:17 PM
9.12.2005
I smoked half a cigarette while waiting for the streetcar.
A few stops later, around Spadina, I checked my bag to make sure I had my wallet so I could cash my check and buy some booze and some sunglasses. Can't keep either of those around, but I plan on buying a case for the sweet Jason, and some strawberry beer. I checked my bag a few sorry seconds later and I saw tentacles. Black, hard shell tentacles.
"SHIT!" I yelled and threw my purse to the seat next to me, stared at it like it the beast that it was.
"What's in your purse?" said the guy sitting at the back with me.
"A cockroach." My eyes, big and bigger. "A big ONE, the ones that come up the drain...a madacascar COCKROACH."
"Damn," he smiled.
"You have to help me. I am afraaaaaaid of cockroaches." He backed into his seat.
'Pour out your purse," he said, "It'll crawl away." I tried. But I couldn't. The drunk guy sitting ahead startes asking questions. I imagine streetcar panic and I'm like. "Nothing, nothing there's in my purse."
"You do it," I say to the guy.
"It's YOUR PURSE," he smiles at me.
"You're CHICKEN! You're a chicken!" I point at him. "HELP ME!"
He takes my purse and he's about to dump it out and I look up and see that shoe store and Much Music and I'm like "Shit! It's my stop!"
I take my purse and get off, holding it far away from me.
op, time's up.
"YOU DO IT, pleeeeeeeeeeease."
4:37 PM
9.09.2005
My friend is having this once a month sex thing with a married guy. For like 3 years. He's pretty hairy and there's something up with his eyes. We put on make-up and earrings and went over to the bar for his media opening for his poster art show. We snuck in a Lowenbrau. Got caught with the empty can under the table and just denied everything.
Then we came back to my place and made bacon. I went to the store to buy chips and dip and they were making out in the kitchen. We went outside to smoke. My friend went to the washroom and soon as she was gone he shuffles over to me and says "You have really nice legs." "Yeah, I know, thanks." "You have nice breasts too." "Yup. The best." Then he makes a dive for my neck with his lips and bites my ear. "Do you mind?" He huffs. Yeah, actually I do.
"I have a boyfriend."
"I have a wife."
"Yeah. Exactly."
My friend comes back. I raise my eyebrow at her. She gets it. She tells him to leave. We go back inside and I settle her on the couch with a duvet pillow and a silk bathrobe and a beer.
I wonder what he got.
11:44 PM
9.08.2005
There's a fucking cockroach in my house. Heather is standing on a table. Heather is a sissy. She wouldn't get off her bed. It's huge. It's almost as big as the ones in Korea. I can not stand this. I was froze. I really wanted to kill it. I threw walnuts at the cockroaches in Korea. Where are my walnuts? WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?
12:18 AM
9.07.2005
It's no one's fault. I wouldn't have loved you if I didn't want to.
We can spend years picking at petals and reciting fantasies. Then what. Lots of time in a bottle, crying, about what is and what isn't.
I sat on the front step tonight tears and a drink. I gathered the past like a precious blue silk, wrapped it around my shoulders.
Cold and soft.
12:27 AM
9.02.2005
Ok. So here's the deal. I have a dead computer. It blipped out about 5 months ago. No wait. Just before the wedding. Whateves. It's in my closet. I'm hoping some geek on a white horse will put it back together again. AND, our home phone just stopped working. You can still leave a message but there's no dial tone. AND, the phone people said if it's a line inside the house, like in our walls, WE have to pay for it. "Oh, Ha ha ha," I said. (the enter key doesn't work). "WE, my dear Heather, are NOT paying for it. The landlords are PAYING for it. AND. I want the mother effing carpets cleaned cause they smell like New Orleans." So... the landing strip....
4:21 PM
