2.24.2005
When the lawyer hugs me he goes, “Ohh, 1/8, now it’s at ¼.”
And I say, “Man you’re good at math.”
Lawyer introduces me to Music Video, whom I try to kick in the nuts because he tries to get me to smoke INSIDE. That ain’t legal. Music Video then buys me lots of drinks and says, “I have a toothbrush at home” and I say, “Give me a job.”
7:21 PM
2.18.2005
Grandma’s fuck-you fingernail is a bent and hard light switch.
That’s what she uses to hook me through the nostril and drag me closer to her breath. And she breathes, “We have some fixin’ to do.
“Honey Bunny? You know that song you first heard in the basement on Agricola Street? The crazy man swung the stool and almost, did not, miss Willy’s head?”
She sings, “The first one who reaches out loses everything.”
You look up at her and blink. Your nose hurts.
“You remember? Don’t you?…Well, we’re gonna fix you up nice and put you in a box. Bend over.”
You bend over.
“Not like that!” she squeals. She pushes you to the side like you would when you try to get water out of your ear. She reaches into your ear and she pulls out your brain. It comes out like spaghetti.
She uses her long fingers like forks and twirls your brain around her knuckles. She examines you like a slimy tarot card.
“Oh cluck cluck,” she says, beating her tongue against the rotten tooth. “Look at that….woooooo-eeeeeeee. Looook aaaat thaaaaaaat.
“Are you always fuckin’ up? Baby-girl?”
You raise your eyebrow, the one that can do that.
“It says here,” she sniffs your lily brain, grimaces. “It says here, you’re wilted. You shouldn’t down your gin and pop your pills.” She unravels more, lets some of your brain hit the floor. Slinky.
“Oh dear,” she whispers. From her eye a water balloon drops, breaks on the floor and chills our toes. She is very quiet.
“Oh dear…what happened baby-girl? What happened?” She slumps to the floor and sits there for an hour. Her bum squishes parts of your brain.
“You’re gonna end up like that lady on the bench…wrinkled nylons, with a slice of onion stuck to her lip. Staring at nothing.
“You better be careful.” She gets up, tells you to bend over, and stuffs your brain back in through your ear. Half of it is falling out.
“Well, we’ll fix you up.”
She leaves and comes back with 4 pieces of tall glass.
“Stand straight,” she commands, all business now. “There’s not much room in this glass house, but it’ll do.”
10:33 AM
2.04.2005
Last night I met The Mafia. Keri used to slide with them. She’d get a gram of coke, 5 e’s and pot in her mailbox once a month.
Keri is banned from the high-class strip club ‘For Her Eyes Only.’ That’s because she took the fire extinguisher off the wall of the women’s bathroom and sprayed the strippers with it. The cops came and arrested her. She said, “It wasn’t me!” except she had the empty can between her legs. She was on a date with a fireman.
This isn’t a joke.
Keri’s sister is 39. She has double d breast implants, a husband who looks like Joey from Friends, 4 kids, and a nanny. She’s a dental surgeon and she chews gum. She has blonde hair and tight jeans.
Last night I pulled my beer out of my purse.
“So, you just snuck that in?” said The Mafia.
“Mmmmhmmm.”
“When you’re as hot as you are, you can do whatever you want.”
“You got it.”
Then he reached into my purse and took out the Advil.
“You shouldn’t walk around with your purse unzipped.”
“Thanks for the lesson.”
The Mafia is fat.
1:48 PM
When the lawyer hugs me he goes, “Ohh, 1/8, now it’s at ¼.”
And I say, “Man you’re good at math.”
Lawyer introduces me to Music Video, whom I try to kick in the nuts because he tries to get me to smoke INSIDE. That ain’t legal. Music Video then buys me lots of drinks and says, “I have a toothbrush at home” and I say, “Give me a job.”
7:21 PM
2.18.2005
Grandma’s fuck-you fingernail is a bent and hard light switch.
That’s what she uses to hook me through the nostril and drag me closer to her breath. And she breathes, “We have some fixin’ to do.
“Honey Bunny? You know that song you first heard in the basement on Agricola Street? The crazy man swung the stool and almost, did not, miss Willy’s head?”
She sings, “The first one who reaches out loses everything.”
You look up at her and blink. Your nose hurts.
“You remember? Don’t you?…Well, we’re gonna fix you up nice and put you in a box. Bend over.”
You bend over.
“Not like that!” she squeals. She pushes you to the side like you would when you try to get water out of your ear. She reaches into your ear and she pulls out your brain. It comes out like spaghetti.
She uses her long fingers like forks and twirls your brain around her knuckles. She examines you like a slimy tarot card.
“Oh cluck cluck,” she says, beating her tongue against the rotten tooth. “Look at that….woooooo-eeeeeeee. Looook aaaat thaaaaaaat.
“Are you always fuckin’ up? Baby-girl?”
You raise your eyebrow, the one that can do that.
“It says here,” she sniffs your lily brain, grimaces. “It says here, you’re wilted. You shouldn’t down your gin and pop your pills.” She unravels more, lets some of your brain hit the floor. Slinky.
“Oh dear,” she whispers. From her eye a water balloon drops, breaks on the floor and chills our toes. She is very quiet.
“Oh dear…what happened baby-girl? What happened?” She slumps to the floor and sits there for an hour. Her bum squishes parts of your brain.
“You’re gonna end up like that lady on the bench…wrinkled nylons, with a slice of onion stuck to her lip. Staring at nothing.
“You better be careful.” She gets up, tells you to bend over, and stuffs your brain back in through your ear. Half of it is falling out.
“Well, we’ll fix you up.”
She leaves and comes back with 4 pieces of tall glass.
“Stand straight,” she commands, all business now. “There’s not much room in this glass house, but it’ll do.”
10:33 AM
2.04.2005
Last night I met The Mafia. Keri used to slide with them. She’d get a gram of coke, 5 e’s and pot in her mailbox once a month.
Keri is banned from the high-class strip club ‘For Her Eyes Only.’ That’s because she took the fire extinguisher off the wall of the women’s bathroom and sprayed the strippers with it. The cops came and arrested her. She said, “It wasn’t me!” except she had the empty can between her legs. She was on a date with a fireman.
This isn’t a joke.
Keri’s sister is 39. She has double d breast implants, a husband who looks like Joey from Friends, 4 kids, and a nanny. She’s a dental surgeon and she chews gum. She has blonde hair and tight jeans.
Last night I pulled my beer out of my purse.
“So, you just snuck that in?” said The Mafia.
“Mmmmhmmm.”
“When you’re as hot as you are, you can do whatever you want.”
“You got it.”
Then he reached into my purse and took out the Advil.
“You shouldn’t walk around with your purse unzipped.”
“Thanks for the lesson.”
The Mafia is fat.
1:48 PM
